Writing has been a very essential part of my life, one of the only ways I was able to express myself when I was younger, although I was not perfect with it. But it was part of me, it was ingrained in me. Starting a blog at a tender age of nine, joining a community of writing fan fictions for fun, writing short stories for my friends as their birthday gifts, pursuing a degree in Creative Writing, being hired to write book reviews—all of these should have contributed to me braving the literary world and finally penning down the novel I have always wanted to share with everyone.
Alas, something went wrong. Despite everything, despite my continuous love for words and brewing new fantasies in my head, I stopped. I simply stopped. For some unknown reasons, a fear of writing developed inside me. I have no inkling as to why it formed, whether I am scared of disappointing myself, or scared of people's judgement. I find it ironic how I used to be confident with my writing and was self-conscious of how I looked, but these days it is switched. I found the confidence with my appearance and how I carry myself in front of others, yet somehow I lost my way with connecting with the words in my brain.
It has been more than two years since I finished my studies, and that was pretty much the amount of time I had been lost from something that used to be so important in my life. I fear that if I do not make an attempt to rescue myself, someday I will no longer be able down to bring any of my fantasies alive, and the thought itself can potentially destroy me from within. If I do not do anything to salvage it, I will be lost. I will no longer... be me.
Writing has always been a part of me, my hope, my life. Without it, it feels like I just switched on a self-destruction button in me. Call it dramatic, but writers are often born dramatic. I have always loved that side of me, the side who are able to conjure up my own world in my own words.So from today onward, I will chase it again. I can still feel the seedlings of fear and anxiety in me, and perhaps I will scurry away again, pretending I never wrote this, and continue living without trying to write again like I used to, but I know I will always come back for it.
I was born to be a writer.
Here's to hoping that Aishah Humaira' will never give up, and that she will one day hold a book with her name on the front cover in her arms. Aamiin.
Wish me the best ♡ Love, Aishah Humaira'
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